Paul found a book in a dark recess of our studio (our studio is mostly dark recesses) called “How to do just about EVERYTHING”. Obviously, its title writes a cheque it can’t cash – it has no instructions on how to cheer up a dark recess – but it’s quite interesting. It told us how to repair plugs faster than google, so I have to give it some credit. It reminded me of what happened the other weekend, and a topic it didn’t cover.

I went to the wedding of one of my girlfriend’s old schoolfriends on the weekend. I didn’t know anyone, but it was cool. It didn’t rain very much, which I guess is a result. Anyway, I had to buy a suit, so I went to TK Maxx, (don’t judge me, it’s cheap), bought one, then took it all the way from Cardiff to Hampshire without noticing that it still had a security tag attached to it. At 9AM on the morning of the wedding, my girlfriend woke me up to tell me that it still had a security tag armed with explosive dye packs attached to it. It’s just great waking up to things like that. I could either wash, have breakfast, dress and go to the wedding looking like a twat, or use a swiss army knife to try to get this allegedly tamper-proof thing (which would paint my suit red and yellow if I fuck it up) off. Obviously, I got my knife out, because I am a total nerd and I prefer a challenge like this to breakfast.

Me 1, security tag 0. The plastic in front of the dye-packs was so thin that I cut through it in under a minute and removed them. After disarming the thing, it took about 5 minutes to destroy the rest of it, safe in the knowledge that it was now unable to cover my suit and I in glass and paint. Not much of a security device, really. It didn’t go off when I left the shop and I destroyed it before breakfast. Obviously, don’t steal, but just imagine how easy it would be to nick whatever you wanted. No-one comes running even when tags do set off alarms.